Monday, September 24, 2007

The Tour of Boredom

We went to Missery last week for that Tour of Missouri thing, and to see OurDad. Well we think GreatMom just wanted to see George. The whole thing was boring, and OurDad and GreatMom acted like total idiots. Thank God Lance thought he was too good to show up even though it was his team's last race ever. God, had they actually see Lance they would have wet them selves in public. It was bad enough that we had to go to the race on Friday for the end of stage 4 in Columbia, Missery. They just went ape.

On Saturday it was worse they took pictures and got autographs while they ran around the state like school-girl groupies. First to Jefferson city for the start of stage 5 and then they ran to the car and drove like idiots to get to the KOM, that's King of the Mountain, point of the race 90 miles away. Hello there are no mountains in Missery. As it was the riders just rolled over the whopping 500 feet of elevation at maybe 8% like it was a turd in the road. Then they tried to get to the finish in St. Charles, but they just missed the riders there. They probably cried over that one. They stayed for all the awards, boring. Really all they wanted to see was George, George, George.

Here's a picture GreatMom took of George in the yellow leaders jersey. He and his team the Disco boys grabbed it on the second day of the race. It was a joke. They had no competition at all, and walked away with the overall win for George with little effort. It really was the world class verses the rednecks of cycling. Don't believe it was a redneck event: On stage 2 a rider hit a road kill armadillo. He crashed resulting in a broken collar bone and was forced to abandon the race. That will never ever happen in Europe.

I'm so glad they dumped us off the OurDad's Dad and Mom on Saturday.

First Mountain Biking then Golfing and now Fishing

This could be worse than we thought. Apparently Ludicrous U has a 1000 acer field site and historic pioneer village complete with trails and fishing ponds. Again very suspicions! He stayed out there last weekend, and guess what he did; he went fishing and mountain biking.

Oh sure, he called it field work, but we know what he's up to-- he's OurDad. He was the personal guest of the field site's director. We'll call him Conservation Guru. The Guru lives on site in one of the historic stone pioneer houses with his dog and cat. Apparently the Guru is desperate for company and OurDad was all too willing make the Guru feel at home. Well the Guru was at home, unlike OurDad.

OurDad just raved about the place and said it had all sorts of potential, but he didn't say for what. Hey we are the ones up here in Michigan with the puppy. The whole reason we got the puppy was so OurDad would come back and see us every few weeks.

This Ludicrous U thing better be worth it because we miss OurDad.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Where the Hell has OurDad Been?

After a month at New U we thought OurDad would come crying home to moma, meaning GreatMom, but apparently not. Perhaps all that time being a stay-at-home dad actally taught him to take care of himself. But that still doesn't explain how he's waking up at six each morning and actually being in the classroom and ready to teach, meaning dressed, by 8- am! "I wish I was there to see it", said GreatMom. "He's never been anywhere at 8:00 in the morning if it didn't involve fishing, golfing or mountain biking."

This made us wonder: Just what is dad teaching at New U. We did a little research into New U and it doesn't look good. For one it's not new at all it's more than 100 years old, and for west of the Mississippi that's pretty old. OurDad has said they do things a little differently there, but we thought he was talking about having to teach at 8:00 in the morning. Check this they have a cycling team--very suspicious! A cycling team at a university in America that's strange and maybe unAmerican. They also list flyfishing classes in their catalog, again very suspicious. Sure OurDad says he's teaching biology there, but we think he's trying to weasel his way into teaching things like Sports Nutrition for Cycling Fitness or the Molecular Biology of the Missouri Brown trout Salmo trutta redneckii or Genetic Engineering for Golf Course Sod Management.

Let's face it there's got to be something wrong with any place that'd hire OurDad to be in charge of a group of willful twenty year olds. It's just the place for him-- Ludicrous U.

If the housing market doesn't turn around soon allowing us to move there to be with him, we may never see OurDad again because he sure won't want to leave Ludicrous U for the Old CC or the frozen waste land of Michigan.

Monday, August 06, 2007

What's not in Your Wallet?

OurDad says David Spade must have a new job, because the people at Capital One just told him NO!

OurDad is not happy about the "no hassle" credit card nearly tripling their interest rate! So he called them today to talk about it. After several phone calls to automated systems he finally reached a rebellious soul (who is probably a regular poster at in the applications department. She told him that if he called the customer relations number, which he had done multiple times today, and just let it play out eventually a real person would come on the line.

OurDad tried it, and it worked. He asked about the increase in the rate and if something could be done about it. First and foremost they said NO!

He said he could hear David Spade in the Background.

They told him his only other option would be to decline the changes, but if he did so he would no longer be able to use the card. He told them, "No, I can transfer the balance and you will lose a customer!"

Saturday, August 04, 2007

The Corn of Elendil

OurDad started it. He hit me with corn, but I would not give in!

Who'd have thought that fresh unshucked Michigan bicolor could be such a formidable weapon in the hands of OurDad. The first blow struck my shoulder; I ducked the next and ran. But it was no retreat: I headed around and though the living and dining room and back into the kitchen where the last remaining ear of corn lay unprotected.

OurDad had fallen for it and chased me around the house only to find me his armed equal upon his return to the kitchen. He was right on my tail, and when I grabbed the corn I wheeled on him, "Ha!" With a viscous swing I struck at him sure to end the battle with a single shocking blow, but surprise was not enough. He parried, and with two hands upon the corn he struck back. I blocked his counter and ran for the safety of the far side of the kitchen table.

From our separate sides of the table we crossed ears again and again, and then OurDad ran round the table. I fled-- the battle now spilling out of control and with GreatMom sitting peacefully at the computer in the living room the fight raged on around her. "Would you two stop it." "Never!" We both declared. On we fought I did my best to counter his attacks, but I was forced into retreat again and again by his crashing two handed strikes. Around the house we battled sending silk threads flying about the house, and as the ears continued to clash the shucks began to give way and with each new blow the sweet juicy kernels flew like sparks.

I was becoming tired and hungry, but OurDad raged on. GreatMom pleaded, but was helpless to stop us. Once out of earshot I asked "Is this what Mom means when she says, 'Don't Play with your food." OurDad laughed, and the distraction was enough. I saw an opening, and with a mighty blow I struck him square in the chest. Corn silks and juice splattered across his shirt, but it was not enough to deter him. He brought the corn down upon my head. I was showered with squished and soggy kernels. I screamed for him to stop, but drew back and parried and countered now fueled on by raw anger and raw corn. With each new blow the more sparks of kernel, shuck, silk and juice flew from our swords of maize. Until it happened. The glorious blow that should have ended it. His corn cob cracked and half of it flew across the diningroom. Victory should have been mine! But OurDad, who can't accept losing, struck back with renewed vigor, but I thwarted his attack and his corn broke again.

"HA! Surrender for I am the Lord of the Corn!", I declared.

"OK THAT"S IT," roared GreatMom. "I declare the GirlChild victorious, but you still have to help clean up this mess." she said to me, and then to OurDad she said, "And then you have to cook dinner-- including that corn."

And so with the Corn that was Broken a new age dawned an age of victorious women and girls.

Actually we just cleaned up. It was a pretty big mess with corn silks, shucks and kernels on the floor and even on furniture. Then, as commanded by GreatMom, OurDad tossed the corn into the microwave and we ate it. It was really tender. Who knew you could make Michigan's sweet bicolor even better!

It was the most fun we'd had all day-- heck all week.

We are definitely going to the Farmers Market tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Tora Tora Tora part 4

OurDad's truck has been recovered from the enemy. Thank god our AAA operatives were able to determine that the employees at "Quality Auto" in Fruitport Michigan were in the employ of the enemy. They were also able to determine that Quality Auto was not even a AAA approved shop.

The fact that it was taken to an enemy shop by operatives within the AAA in the first place suggests that the enemy has infiltrated into the deepest ranks of the American automotive fortress, a dangerous trend, that if allowed to continue could result in the derailment of one of America's most important industries.

OurDad's truck is now in dry dock safely in the hands of AAA operatives in Grand Haven who come with the highest of AAA security clearance. This time we are confident OurDad's truck will be repaired and returned in time for him to set off on his next mission to New U.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Viva le Tour or We can watch Sponge Bob Again

Viva Le Tour...

The end of it that its! When le Tour (de France that is) rolls into Paris is cause for celebration. The bike race is over and we can watch TV again. OurDad doesn't just watch le Tour-- he lives it. In the morning during what he thinks is the "live" broadcast he sets up his trainer in front of the TV and rides his bike along with the boys in the peleton. So we can't watch Sponge Bob in the morning. Then when that broadcast is over he gets around to getting us something to eat so we can start our day at 11:00. But before we know it it's time for the afternoon broadcast so he makes us play outside!

So you'd think by evening we get a crack at the TV, but noooo. Unbelievably he's got GreatMom hooked on this le Tour thing too. So in the evening it's on again so she can watch it. Thanks Versus. Lucky for us OurDad's not into bull riding or extreme cage fighting.

If you don't know much about le tour then you may not understand our frustration. This bike race lasts three weeks-- all of July year in and year out. Can you imagine our pain: we are forced to play out side for nearly the entire month of July-- in Michigan!

Viva le end of le Tour!

However, le Tour isn't the only tour and now I think I know why OurDad is trying to move us all to Missouri. At first I thought this was some kind of redneck joke but apparently it's billed as the #3 race in the country and the Dico boys will be there!

Actually we still think this "Tour of Missouri" may be the biggest punk in cycling history. I want to see the looks on George and Levi's faces when they see the Missourah bicicle race. I just hope this one's not on Versus.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Tora Tora Tora part 3

OurDad still doesn't have a truck. That means if we want to go somewhere we have to ride our bikes. It's getting old.

Quality Auto told OurDad today that they can't figure out what's wrong with it. They've had it about a month, that should be enough time to find all the coins under the cushions much less figure out why nearly shakes to pieces at 40 mph. Did we tell you that last week they did mention something about a guy at the shop who needs a truck.

Hey Dad do you know what fish smells like?

OurDad told them to put it back together and drive it.

Stay tuned for part 4 tomorrow when OurDad leans if putting a broken truck back together without fixing it makes any difference, and for part 5 when we drive across the state, yet again, to get the truck. What we'll do with it god knows.

I just hope OurDad remembers the pinkslip, because I think he's going to need it.

What? OurDad is Going to St. Louis without Us?

We knew being a professor at New U was important to OurDad and even GreatMom wanted to move back to St. Louis, but if he's going without us that's not exactly moving to St. Louis. On one hand it's great we don't have to leave our friends. But how are we supposed to keep this blog going if we can observe OurDad doing ridiculous things like moving to St. Louis without us!

The excuse we being fed is something about supply and demand and 17 houses for sale, including four foreclosures, in our neighborhood. We didn't want an economics lesson we just wanted to know why OurDad is "going to St. Louis ahead of us."

We are also wondering if this has anything to do with the puppy we were promised when we all got to St. Louis...

The Blackout has been lifted!

Because OurDad is finished reading Harry Potter.

All week last week he kept us underground-- no TV, Internet or newspapers-- just to keep anyone from spoiling it. Now were making him read it out loud to us because he would let us even touch at all over the weekend as he hid in his room only appearing for meals and to go to the bathroom. He doesn't even do this when a new Philip Roth novel comes out.

He's just crazy, Harry Potter Crazy!