Friday, December 29, 2006

The New Duct Tape and People Even Worse than OurDad

If you want to have a seat at Christmas Eve Mass you better get there a half an hour early. And since we are usually half an hour late to regular Sunday mass, GreatMom shoots for an hour early. Some years we make it just in time to sit in the cry room or stand in the back of church. This year OurDad painted himself as the hero who got us to church in time to grab the last four seats.

We got to sit, in church, for Christmas mass, and all because be didn't waste time messing around with the shoe polish. "We're in a hurry. Who needs shoe polish when you've got a Sharpie pen". Oh God can OurDad embarrass us. At least he didn't whip out that black Sharpie to unscuff his wingtips during mass.

However, we were able to make the best of it because Christmas mass is one of those extraordinary events that allows the BoyChild and I to see people even more embarrassing than OurDad. Christmas mass is like a county fair or the airport, full of freaks you'll never see again.

This year was no disappointment.
There were two women who apperentyly thought that fishnets were the new Christmas stocking. And what's with the earth tones, for Christmas? You can't work something out with red, green, blue, silver, and gold? Blue yes, blue jeans no, but if you must, make it your good pair that doesn't have a hole in the knee. And then there was the the lady that froze out half the church out by opening the door over and over. I'm really sorry you had hot flashes on Christmas.

We may not be safe from Duct Tap and Sharpie pens, but we can get through the holidays because Christmas mass shows us there are people even worse than OurDad.


SourDad said...

They're better than duct tape. From bike parts to dress shoes if it's black you can fix it with a Sharpie.

Makes a great mustache too.

Miranda said...

(After six tries, I no longer find this comment interesting but I feel committed to the commenting process now so you are stuck with it. I have a lot of Blogger hate raging inside me today.)

Sharpies are dangerous weapons in my household. Ask my living room walls.