Ourdad and great Mom are always pester the BoyChild and me to learn every detail of our day. News Flash: we don’t want to tell you every thing we do, and we don’t even remember most of it. We told you: School is, except recess, booooring. However, today I let OurDad know all about it: See the boys in my class are mean especially one named K. They push you and grab you and pull you. OurDad actually said I could push back, but if I do K will tell on me and I’ll get in trouble. I hate him, and I’m not allowed to use that word. I wanna hit him, but if I do that I’ll get in trouble. I’m not gunna tell the teacher, because they don’t like tattletales. OurDad calls it a lose, lose or lose situation. I told him the whole thing; I was so mad I was crying!
And then OurDad said something brilliant, “What do you want me to do, email Mrs. F (that’s my teacher) and tell her what a bad boy K was, and that she should beat him.” “Yes!” It was great. I couldn’t believe he would something like this for me. Then he lunched into yet another rant about sarcasm, and gullibility, bla bla bla. I knew my teacher wasn’t about to beat K even if he deserved it, but ourDad had stumbled upon a great loophole. If he told on K I wasn’t the tattletale. I repeated my story heightening every detail of K’s brutal attacks on girls and his uncanny ability to know just when a teacher’s head is turned or when the principal is coming. When a teacher is looking he just pretends to be a nice; he is bad.
OurDad soaked it all in. He listened to every word, asked questions and made positive declarations and gave me exasperated looks. I was sure K would suffer. The letter OurDad would craft would have K parents in the office the very next day to discuss terms of his expulsion. My problems were solved, no tattling, no fighting, and no more K. But then I had to settle for the following email to Mrs. F. He actually cced me to prove he’d sent it.
Dear Mrs. F.
My daughter is frustrated with the social stratification among her classmates, which appears to fall along gender lines. I’m bringing this to your attention because apparently it only rears its ugly head when yours is turned due to the evident supernatural powers of at least one boy in the class. Thus allowing the boys, free reign to push, shove and grab my daughter and other girls. I think it’s a girls will be girls and boys will be boys issue, and I'm not too worried. In fact I'd chalk it up to dramatics. "I don't want to be a tattletale, but this is really getting to be a problem," she said. I’m not sure if my telling you the sorted details of third–grade politics clears her of tattletale status, or if that distinction has now fallen upon me. Please let me know where you stand on the assignment of the tattletale condition so that we can avoid any such emails in the future.
Sincerely ,
SourDad
PS
If you could let her know that you got an email from me I'm sure that will make her feel much better.
1 comment:
Dear Girl Child,
I know you let Dad type these entries for you but I think you need to talk to him about something called line breaks and human spell checking. I know you mean "sordid" when your dad types "sorted."
Another loophole you may wish to exploit is the one my daughter and her friends use in situations such as these: spread nasty rumors about the little miscreant. The third grade rumor of choice involves "liking" and quite often "kissing." Just saying that some odious boy just wants to kiss a girl is usually enough to get that boy shunned by everyone.
Good luck with the little toad!
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